So I guess I sort of want to aks this partly because it does no good talking to my husband, plus I'm wondering how other women would feel...So my DREAM this pregnancy was to deliver at this local birthing center. It is $4,500 total and you can make payments, just have to pay the full amount by the time you deliver. And that cost includes the post pardum check up, as well as prenatal apts and labor/delivery... so really, it's such a bargain compared to how expensive hospitals are. However, we're insured, but our hospital just plain sucks and the bith experience you have there is anything but pleasant to look back on. Plus, as I asked about yesterday, they have a new policy where in the post pardum room, new mommies get one guest to sleep with them in their room, and the rooms hold up to 4 new mommies, there are NO private post pardum rooms, and each room has ONE bathroom! So anyways, I'm VERY upset over this impending birth... well, like I said, I wanted to do the birth center. I left it up to my husband since he handles he money and he, after much stalling, told me we just couldn't affor that. I accepted it and tried to come to terms with the hospital... well, then he bought a laser grip for his pistol-that was $300... then he bought a new gun (he's a collector)-that was $1,300 (before taxes and shipping fees)... then he took $2,500 and invested in the stock market (no joke) and he has NEVER EVER EVER invested before but suddenly got this great idea that right now is the time to invest... he also bought a laptop since it was on sale at Costco-$800... so basically within 1 1/2 months he spent the money it would have cost for the birth center/midwife I wanted...Here is where I wrap it up and get to my question(s)... so as it gets closer to the due date, I am feeling more and more hurt by him. I am feeling something negative but can't quite put my finger on it. I'm hurt, not really "bitter", maybe devestated is a good word, I dunno... in any event, how would you feel? Our insurance will NOT cover other hospitals (Kaiser) and won't cover this birth center... so the option of the insurance covering even part of the cost is out. I can't borrow the money from anyone. I can't get credit or anything. Basically my only option was cash... Would you be upset? How would you handle this if it was something VERY special and important to you, that your husband KNEW how meaningful it was and he did that stuff anyways? I've already told him how hurtful it was that he spent that money on himself like that, but he has an excuse for all of it... I don't want to talk about it with him anymore-kicking a dead horse so to speak but the feelings just won't go away and when it comes to mind, since our little guy will be here soon, I feel sadder and sadder over it. Thoughts?Don't get me wrong, the whole birth experience and post pardum stay is seperate from how great having a healthy baby will feel, it's more I'm hurt by him knowing how much this means/meant to me, I was NOT shy in making it clear my reasons for wanting this and we talked quite a few times about it, and him telling me we couldn't afford it yet he went and then made a bunch of purchases for himself. That's all....Not to mention we had our fifth anniversary a month ago and he didn't get me a card or a gift... I dunno, he's gotten very odd lately and seems to be very wrapped up in himself which is bizarre. Alyssa's mommy-I LOVE that picture! She's so adorable! And yeah, I figured that if what looks like will happen does and I have to deliver at that hospital, I am going to sign that waver thing that says you are going against medical advice and want to be releasd early. I despise hospital stays as it is, and the thought of spending the night in a room with some strange women and their husbands or boyfriends makes me almost break out in hives!Wow, lol, I never thought about him having an "impending baby" crisis... that could totally be what it is. We do have three already, but that just might be it... And thank you Ricky. lol, I might just call my husband's mother and see what she thinks about this.And thank you all for your answers. It's nice to hear I'm not just being hormonal or whatnot. I just feel almost betrayed, like we can't afford this, but he can buy all these new "toys" and things... And yeah, he's the one who works outside of the home, plus I'm frankly scatter brained and know I would be the last person who should have much control over our bank account. Although from recent occurances, he's not doing so great either! Thanks so much everyone!

$4500 sounds very expensive to deliver a baby but if that's what you wanted he should have accommodated. i had a baby girl 3 weeks ago i just went public didn't cost me a cent and i was completely happy with my experience and the staff at the hospital. you need to talk to your husband maybe if this is your first child he is stressed???

I would be very upset as well. That really sucks about your insurance. If you happened to be "out of town" when you went into labor could you deliver somewhere else? I don't know how Kaiser works... You have every right to be upset. It isn't hormones, so don't let him try to blame that. He is being very selfish.I guess just try and make the most of your delivery experience. Labor as long as you can at home and once you know the baby is okay, insist on leaving the hospital ASAP. You aren't going to get any sleep in a room with all those other families so you may as well come home and be with your other kids. Do you have a friend who can come over after birth and help you out and pamper you a bit? Try to make the experience special for you in any way you can.Try to forgive him for your own sake. The pent up anger only hurts you. *hugs*

Wow.......I feel bad for you. You are stuck in a crappy situation. Your husband seems to be getting more and more selfish at a time when "me" isn't a word anymore and "us" should be used fluently.He spent money on some really silly things right before your baby is due - and that has nothing to do with the birthing center. Why would he purchase items like that and invest in the stock market at a time like this? Maybe he feels that he needs to get his "inner child" out before this baby comes.The good, but still sad news is that you only spend two days in the hospital and then you are out. Have you considered inquiring about a midwife and having the baby at home? You should see if your insurance would cover that? That could be an option if you are willing to go "natural." If you must have it in the hospital, find out what items you can bring from home to make it a little more comfortable - such as CD player with music, pictures, pillows, blankets, etc.Why does have have complete control of the financials? Is he the only one working? How long do you have until your due date?

seems like as time gets closer he becomes more self centered, please try to understand that pregnancy is very different for a man and he probably isn't sure how he should cope so he is indulging himself because it eases his anxiety over the birth of your son. I would sit him down with a list of the things that are hurting you and explain to him that you don't want to look back on your first baby, and birth experience with any regrets and you feel like this hospital experience would have made the birth something to remember, now the standard hospital only gives you anxiety and you are not sure that you will be able to walk away from it with no regret. Explain that it would have been a phenominal anniversary gift, and something the two of you could share. The birthing experience is a culmination of 9 months of aches pains, sickeness, etc... all to grow this miracle and it was the most important thing to you to be able to birth relaxed and confident in the facility.I would also do some googling about the effects of stress and axiety during labor, and the pros to birthing relaxed and calm.best of luck and i truly hope he suprises you and sees things from your perspective.

Yikes.. I'd be very hurt too. I'm sorry you are going though this, and I have no clue what your husband was thinking buying all that stuff after telling you that you guys can't afford something you wanted. I also understand having a crappy labor/birth. I've been there done that with my first. I assume the impending birth of the baby is making him quite selfish. I used to know a guy that would disapear after each birth of his child.. the baby would be a week old, and he'd just disapear for a month or so.. then come back like nothing ever happened. Very strange. He would act completely normal thoughout the entire pregnancy, but something about the child actually being here would freak him out. I control the money in our family, thankfully I don't have to deal with large amounts of it going missing. I'm not sure what I'd do if it were me. I think you've done just about anything you can do.. I'd want to be incontrol of the money a little more though, that's for sure. Thousands of dollars were spent without so much as asking you how you felt about it. That would NEVER fly around here. Hopefully the birth won't be as bad as you think it will be, and get out of the hospital ASAP afterwards. I plan on doing that. I don't plan on going in until the last second and I plan on getting back home before I'm there even 24hours PP. I wish you the best of luck.

I will say sorry for him. See the thing is men are like kids in a way. We are use to getting all this attention and then WAMO this kid has stolen my wife and all the money is going to the baby (and he is not even born yet). It gets easier. It will not be that way for your next children. My advice to you is to tell him to grow up. 10 years ago when we had our first child I was kind of the same way. My wife called my parents and they had a talk with me. They told me to grow up and act like a man. I was very humiliated at first (how can they talk to me like that im a grown man ). In the end I new they were right. Just tell him to grow up he may not like it but after a few days he will understand.